My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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