The maid of honor just puked.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
