Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
