I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
