Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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