I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
