No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
