My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
