I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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