watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
