and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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