After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
