I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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