Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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