508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
