Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
