that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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