Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
