I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
