Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm always down for nudity.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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