There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
