we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
