He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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