I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the day after is always just damage control
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
