there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
