Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
