I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
