So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
