I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
