I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
