we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
