Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
