That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
