every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
zippers are such a cool invention
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
