You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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