elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
