you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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