forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
