remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
