Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
