I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
