that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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