Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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