Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You are a genius and a whore.
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