i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
