You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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