tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
