That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i now understand why vodka
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
