Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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