totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
