Please, let me fuck your mom
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ladies don't puke and tell
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