I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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