If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
