Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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