I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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