yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
