I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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