I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
